Updated: Jul 11, 2022
Here is the audio/video version of this blog
If you are still single and will like to change that but it's not happening as fast as you'd hoped for or expected, this post is for you.
PSA: This is not meant to judge or blame anyone. It's simply a guide to help you self-examine yourself.
There are so many reasons why a person may still be single. Some of those reasons could be out of their control or something that they have control of. The list is endless but the reasons also differs based on every individual. So i will just mention some few reasons why many people may still be single and offer solutions on how to change that.
1) Lack of Confidence
This is mainly for the men. A lot of men are still single because many times they lack the confidence or are too scared or shy to talk to the woman they are interested in. Many times they see this person very frequently and even hang out with them but for some reason they lack the courage to open their mouths and say what is on their hearts. Recently, i saw this very scenario unfold. A guy and a girl were friends and hung out all the time. Every time after their hangout, he would want to tell her how he feels but will get scared and put it off for another day. Unfortunately for him, the next time he saw her, she was announcing her engagement to another man. Turns out another man mustered the courage and swoop her off her feet. The shy guy confessed his feelings at that time but the girl told him he was too late. He missed his chance. Guys, let me tell you something; mistakes like this are hard to recover from. Especially if you had plenty of opportunities to make a move and you did not. Once you miss your chance, it's gone.
My Solution: You just have to muster your strength and make a bold move. Someone said, "the worst thing to fear is fear itself." That is true. The anticipation of doing something challenging is actually worse than the actual thing. You have to get out of your head. A lot of women are actually more open than you'd think. We may not always show it, but we are. Take a chance. This could be the best thing that will ever happen to you.
2) Being Too Picky
I picked on the men on the first one, now it's time to pick on the women. This is probably the number one reason why some women are still single. We are just too picky. I know this because i am a woman. When a woman reaches a certain age, she gets A LOT of "traffic" around her. As in she gets many suitors. And because the list of men coming to her is endless, she becomes very selective and feels she has time to make a good choice. She raises her standards and becomes very picky. But what a lot of women fail to see is that many times, the men we reject for one reason or the other could potentially be life-changing life partners.
My Solution: Ladies, your "soulmate" or "dream guy" may not look, act, or talk the way you imagined. Lower your standards and try to give a chance to some of the men you would normally never even look at. You might be surprised. Like i mentioned above, once you miss your chance with someone, it might take years for you to undo the damage and find someone equally as good.
3) Wrong Ideologies of Marriage
If you've gone on countless dates and everything went well till you started talking about your beliefs, especially those that pertain to marriage and then you never heard from the person again, it could be that you have a wrong mentally or ideology of what marriage is supposed to be. I know of a guy who went on a date with a woman and explained to her what he believes a wife is supposed to be like. What he basically described was a woman who was practically a servant, a cook, and a nanny. He believed his wife was not supposed to have goals and that she's just there to help him achieve his goals. She is to stay home and make sure his dinner is ready before he got home, his laundry is done and folded, she took care of the kids and when he gets home, he expects "to be served" by his wife. Those were his exact words. Of course the woman in question ran for the hills after that date. She said she feels sorry for the woman that will marry him. His ideology of what a wife is supposed to be is so wrong and so far left that only few women will settle for something like that.
My Solution: Talk about your beliefs and ideologies to friends and acquaintances and try to get their feedback. Sometimes we think there is nothing wrong in the way we think because that is normal in our culture or where we grew up in, but not everyone things like us, or will agree with our ideologies. Find out if you have wrong ideologies on men, women, children, marriage, etc, and find ways to change them.
4) Bad Behavior
Another reason you may be single is bad behavior. Bad behavior may be anything. It could be a character flaw, a bad habit, something negative you are putting out there or portraying everyday. It could be in your speech, your actions, the way you dress, etc. For example it could be the way you treat people, the way you always blame and never see your wrongs, you're defensiveness at all times, you can't be corrected (you are always right and the other person is wrong), alcoholism, you're too loose (sexually), clingy (not everyone likes that), bad hygiene, etc. Honestly, the list is endless.
My Solution: Self-examine yourself. Think about how and what you are portraying out there and how it can be perceived. Try to change those things and become a much better version of yourself.
Pride is another reason why some people are still single. They think too highly of themselves, and think others are beneath them. When it comes to people like this, it's hard to find a life partner that are up to their standards, and they spend the rest of their lives searching for their "equal."
My Solution: Humble Yourself. Or marry yourself. Period.
6) Negative Influences
Who you listen to determines how your life is going to be. If your decisions are influenced by good influences, you will make good decisions. If they are influenced by bad influences, you will make bad choices. Those bad influences could be your friends, family, co-workers, even mentors, etc. Sometimes the people we listen to are good people who care about us but their advice isn't always the best. And sometimes, we are just close with the wrong people who influence us in the wrong direction.
My Solution: Examine the people you listen to and look at their lives. If their life is a mess then they can't help you, especially if they are also struggling in the area you need counsel for. For example, taking relationship advice from another single person or a person struggling in their relationship is no good. What advice can they give you? Let them fix their life first before trying to help you with yours.
Look at their life choices and their values. The things they believe in. Is their advice coming from a genuinely helpful place or is it because they have some sort of bias on that subject? Is their advice pushing you towards your life goals or away from them?
Sometimes the people we look up to and listen to may love us but don't always mean well.
Be careful who you listen to. They will determine how good or bad your life will become.
I have many more reasons to add but I'll end here for now. I'll be posting part two of this post soon. Look out for that.
UPDATE: Part 2 has been uploaded. Click here to read the second part.