Updated: Jul 11
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In a society where people try to tell women to lower their standards or get rid of them all together in order to get a man, i am here to tell you why you NEED those standards and why you need them HIGH to get the right person for you.
So Why Have Standards?
Women assume that if they lower their standards, they'll get a great catch, but that's not always the case because with men its the complete opposite because men are hunters. They love the chase so if you lower your standard, it makes it easy for them. When you lower your standards, you don't help yourself.
Standards protect you and are crucial to you being your best and having the best.
You Are More Powerful In This Life Than You Think
The man who finds a wife finds a treasure, and he receives favor from the LORD. (Proverbs 18:22)
You are a treasure. You Are The Price. This may sound bias but it is true. You will add to a man's life more than he will add to yours. Examine every relationship you've been in, especially the ones where you lived together, and notice how dependent that man was/is on you. They're practically babies. A man needs YOU in his life. You need him too, but not as much as he needs you, and that's facts.
The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make for him a suitable companion. (Genesis 2:18)
Also, you cheat yourself at the type of man you'll get when you lower your standards. Have standards. You'll be amazed at the things a man will do just to get your attention or simply to impress you. Believe it or not, the average man really wants to please you. Ever notice some of the "dumb" or crazy things guys do just to get your attention? Just for you to notice them? Standards doesn't drive the right men away, it brings the right man into your life. Standards is the best way to screen the guys that aren't serious. It helps you to differentiate who's for real and who isn't. Put value on yourself.
Have Standards On Your Sex Life
Don't give it up easily. My best advice, and i'll say this to anyone that asks; Practice Celibacy. Be celibate and let your celibacy journey end with marriage. Its hard, believe me, i know. But it is one of the best and one of the most effective screening methods to land a great man. No man will stick around without sex if they aren't the right guy. Their mentality is that they can find another woman who can give them what they want. For a man to still be with you even though sex is not on the table shows he truly loves you for you. He loves your heart, your character, your values, everything you embody.
There will never be any doubts or question about whether he loves you for you or just wants to sleep with you, since sex is not even on the table.
Also, the reason why a lot of relationships break in the long run is because that relationship was built on a foundation of sex. Sex was used to compensate for a lot of things. You had sex in the good times and bad times. You had sex every chance you got. Many times, because you're too busy doing it, you don't get the chance to properly get to know each other. You don't know how to communicate properly, resolve conflict properly, etc. You don't face a lot of your issues. You put it under the rug and have sex instead. But when sex is not an option, you have to face each other and the reality of who that person truly is.
When you are not blinded by "sex goggles", you are able to truly evaluate this person and see if they are a good fit for your life and if they are, you'll learn how to understand them properly.
When conflict arises, you won't try to cover it with sex, you'll have no choice but to face it and handle it accordingly. That's why celibacy is greatly encouraged. Sex clouds your judgment about that person. Celibacy gives you clarity.
Debunking the Sex Argument About "Test Driving" a Car Before Buying It.
During your celibacy journey, you will encounter people who will try to discourage you. and you will meet people, especially men who will throw you the "you can't buy a car without test driving it" as an excuse to get you to sleep with them. That argument that you can't buy a car without test driving it is worthless. For your information, you cannot test drive every car. You can test drive many common cars like Toyotas and Hondas, etc, but you absolutely cannot test drive a Ferrari or Lamborghini or a Porsche, etc. They won't even let you buy one if you you haven't owned one previously. Certain luxury car shows won't even allow you to simply view certain cars without some sort of VIP status, talk less of buying it.
Those dealerships know the worth of those cars. The demand for those cars are higher than the supply so they always sellout. The dealership sales agents don't even make an effort to be friendly and won't try to sell the car to you or convince you to buy it. They know the worth of that car, and they know because it is so valuable, it will sell. They won't even pay you any attention if you don't look the part. Many times you have to convince them that you can afford the car. Those very expensive cars have been tested, tried, and true, so the manufacturers know what it is worth. They know it is good. They don't need YOU to validate that it is good. They already know it is good because of the amount of time, effort, and resources used to manufacture that car. So there is no question of test driving it. You either take it as is or leave it.
They won't risk you test driving and damaging a 500k car. It is worth too much and its too valued to be risked like that. The cars that have value are not available for test driving. That's how a woman should be. You are Valuable.
You are not a cheap car that needs to be test-driven here and there before he decides if he likes it and will put a ring on it. You are like a luxury car. Worth a lot, and only a select type and caliber of a man can afford you.
Also remember that, when people drive these luxury cars, the person doesn't make the car look good, the car makes the person look good. People that drive these luxury cars are regarded with high value because of how valuable the car is. In Short, that car adds value to the buyers life. As a woman, you are so valuable. Stop selling yourself short and start seeing yourself as the precious Gem that you are. Another thing i'll like to point out with test driving is that, the test driver is not guaranteed to buy the car but after the car has been test driven for years , it ends up being sold for a lower price because its been overused and the value has gone down.
You are worth so much more. Stop letting these useless men put mileage on your body, and save it for one that deserves you.
Voice What You Want
Standards are good. Use them to measure value in a man and how you'll like to be treated in that relationship. A lot of women are being treated like slaves or trash in their relationships because they lowered their standards.
State what you want and don't compromise.
Men are transactional. They tell you what they want or need in the relationship. There must be something in it for them. A lot of times, when what a man wants in a relationship doesn't align with what the woman wants, she pretend in her heart that she's on board with it but secretly hopes she'll change him in the long run. But when that doesn't happen and her needs aren't fulfilled because the man never knew about them to begin with, resentment and bitterness starts to build up in the woman. That's why it is important to state what you need and what you expect to get out of the relationship. If they align, good, if they don't then move on.
Standards Should Be Based on Value Only
Your standards should not be based on materialistic or shallow things. They should be based on values. Examples of standards that are based on value are: You refuse to be with someone who treats you a certain way. e.g they don't respect you, are impatient with you, abuses you emotionally or physically, doesn't listen to you, want to change you, dumb you down, etc. These are valuable things that make or break you and you need a man that makes you better, not worse. Also, don't fix your worth on money either. The Bible says;
"Who can find a virtuous and capable wife? She is more precious than rubies." Prov 31:10
You are priceless. Any time you stick a price tag on yourself, there's someone out there with enough money to pay for it, and it may not be who you want or need. Don't be bought by money or flashy things. Someone may lure you with those things and end up making your life even worse. Don't be materialistic. You're worth a lot. Even when you are married, have standards. There are things you absolutely won't tolerate that he needs to know about. It'll make make your life better and your marriage stronger People won't know what your value is unless you tell them. So set a tone for your life. Place value on yourself, and don't lower your standards for anyone.