Updated: May 20, 2019
Nowadays, it seems that being single is kind of like the plague. When you tell someone you are single, it's like you told them you have cancer. They give you that “awwwww, they’re sad and probably going to die alone” look.
They try to sympathize with you and tell you it's going to be okay. That you will find someone. As if everyone is trying to find someone. Heck, i'm not. (Sorry, mom and dad).
And there are people who practically rely on a relationship for their happiness and fulfillment that at times, some of them don't understand that everyone is not as empty as they are when they are not in a relationship. The reality is that, being single is amazing. I am one of those people who truly enjoys being single. I think it worries my parents a little bit that I am in no hurry to get married.
I have come to understand that every season in your life comes with it’s blessings, and so does being single. I'm really enjoying the blessedness that comes with having no husband or children bugging you every second. I babysit my nephews all the time and boy, i am thankful i don't have little ones of my own. I love those babies like they're my own but i wait for their parents to come and pick them up with eager anticipation.
But in all seriousness, being single is actually one of the best times of your life because truly and when you get married, you will miss some of the perks that come with this season. Marriage is amazing. It is a blessing from God and the companionship is great. But so is being single. Here’s why;
1) You Have Plenty of Time For Yourself
When you are single, you have a lot of free time. Since it’s just you, you can do whatever you want. Now, you may be a busy bee and think you don’t have time, but if you had a spouse and kids, you would know what having no time really is. Now that it is just you, your time is FOR YOU. So even if you are busy right now, you are busy doing YOU. Doing YOUR THING. Doing what you want. If you are "single single" (as in no boyfriend/girlfriend), then you've really got extra time. No staying up late talking on the phone, dressing up and going out (that is such a chore, especially when all you want to do is stay home and just watch a movie ALONE),
doing stuff you don't feel like doing at the moment, sometimes scheduling your time around them, etc
Now don’t get me wrong, those things are wonderful when you are in love, but they are also time consuming, especially when you don’t FEEL like doing all that.
Let’s say you had a long day and you just want to go home and sleep; A single person will go home and sleep per their heart's desire, but a person in a relationship, who knows they have plans later on that night, is not going home to sleep like they really want to. They have to change, get dressed, and go out for long hours, and the whole time they are out, they are probably thinking about their bed. Sometimes, if they are really tired, they can cancel those plans, but there will be plenty of guilt involved. The single person has no guilt because they did not let anyone down. It's the best feeling ever. The single Bee and the relationship Bee both want to order in and watch movies all day, but the relationship Bee’s significant other wants to go for brunch, then take a nice walk in the park, etc, so that’s what they are doing. Their time is no longer theirs, its now shared with another person.
But you, the single Bee, has all your time to yourself, and you can share it with who you want, when you want to.
2) Discovery Yourself
Like I mentioned above, when you are single, you have plenty of time. And that time can be used to discover yourself. Who you are, what you like, what are your interests, passion, dreams, what ticks you, pet peeves, etc. When you are in a relationship, you are too busy trying to get to know the other person and trying to understand them and their whole life that you may not truly make time to know who you are. It is in the stillness, the quietness, that you can really hear things clearly.
It’s during those alone times, quiet times, quiet seasons, that you get to understand who you are. It’s in this beautiful season that you truly get to develop who you are and watch yourself blossom into this amazing individual.
And the truth of the matter is, if you truly know who you are and are whole and complete with yourself, you won’t feel the need to be in a relationship to be fulfilled. If you feel like you NEED a relationship to be happy or complete, you need to learn self-love. You need to spend time with just being with you and learn to love you. Find out what you like, who you are outside of that relationship, etc. What you will find out will amaze you. You don’t need another human to love you, you need to learn how to love yourself first and be okay with just you.
3) Time To Live
This point still ties back to what i mentioned above about having plenty of time. As a single person, you are free to live your life without having anyone holding you back. If you want to go to school or pursue a graduate degree, you can do that. If you want to go backpacking through Europe, you are free to do that, etc. I remember a few weeks ago, I was having lunch with a few friends and my friend who is single mentioned that she is spending the end of the year in Missouri. I had always wanted to go there but somehow never got around to going. So right there at the table, I searched for flights, found one that worked for me and booked it.
I made that impulsive decision with no regrets because making impulsive decisions is one of the blessings of being single.
If it doesn’t work out, you are the only one it affects. My other friend who was with us, who happens to be married, really wanted to go as well. But she said she had to speak with her husband about it and figure out a few other things. She ended up saying she is not going. And that is completely understandable. Her and her husband are a unit and they have to make decisions together. My friend can’t just get up and go to Paris for two weeks without talking to her husband. But I can. Because I don’t have to consult anyone for decisions like that in this season of my life. As a single Bee, you are truly free to explore, be free, be as wild as you want to be because you may not get that opportunity again once you get married. This is your time to live with no restrictions.
4) Less Drama
When you are single, you don't have to deal with the drama that comes with being in a relationship. Now if you are one of those drama-filled individuals that always cause drama everywhere you go, you need to fix your life, and also this ain’t for you. But generally, a single person doesn’t have to deal with the drama that comes with relationships. The arguing, walking on eggshells, making sure you don’t offend the other person, the silent treatments, the cattiness, the pettiness, the breaking up and making up again and again and again, remembering stupid anniversaries (seriously, who cares about the anniversary of the first time you blinked at each other?), etc. One of the really annoying ones is when the other person is mad at you but you don’t know what you did and they are offended because you are not a mind reader. It can be really exhausting.
I know some people who choose to be single because they just can’t deal with the drama. It's just a lot to deal with at times. But if you are single, that is less drama you have to deal with. You don’t have to buy gifts for made up anniversaries or trying to make up for an offense you don’t even remember committing, constantly trying to please and keep them happy, etc. You don't have to deal with all that.
But the best part is, because you are single, there is this immeasurable amount of peace and assurance knowing that no one is cheating on you.
5) Lazy Days
For those of you who don’t know what lazy days are. Lazy days are days where you simply choose to do nothing productive that day. Especially if you have been working hard during the week and just want that day to relax and rest. This is a blessing for single folks because you have no emotional commitment to do anything with anyone. If you want to sleep all day, you can, you want to binge watch your favorite show till its time to go to bed, go ahead, etc. But you know what the relationship Bee will be doing on their lazy day? Celebrating the anniversary of the first time they stared at each other from across the room.
Single bee, you are living the life. Binge on.
As a single person, you have a lot of freedom. You do what you want, when you want, how you want. If you want to stay out late, you can. You want to sleep over at a friends or have them sleep over, you can do that as well. Do you know that married people don’t have sleepovers? Maybe a handful of the ones with no kids MAY have sleepovers, once in a blue moon, when their spouse is not there (traveled). But the ones with kids can’t do that. Where are they going to leave their kids and spouse to go and have a sleepover at their friend’s? That aspect of their life is now behind them. But not for you. Enjoy the freedom that this season brings. You won’t have it forever. We all have that married friend who rarely ever has time to hangout and when they do, they gotta leave at like 7:30pm because their spouse wants them home by a certain time and they have to put the kids to bed. It’s a whole different ballgame when you are married. Enjoy this freedom that you have.
7) Unlimited Sleep
One of the things I love about being single is all the sleep I get. Now, I’m not saying that i sleep like a Sloth, I’m just saying that when I do want to sleep, there is no one interrupting that sleep. No kids running around making noise when you want to take a nap, waking up 3 or 4 times at night checking on the baby, waking up real early to make breakfast for the husband and kids before they go to work and school, or worse, a husband keeping you up for whatever reason. A friend of mine told me that her husband wakes her up in the middle of the night to have sex. I remember just thinking I would be so annoyed if that was me. I say this only because I am a very light sleeper. Any little thing wakes me up and keeps me up. I mean, I get really annoyed if I have to get up at night to go pee and I can’t fall back asleep. It gets to a point where I don’t turn on the lights in the bathroom at night. That’s how much I don’t want to be woken up. My sleep is important to me and I am so thankful to God that I enjoy uninterrupted sleep every night.
Enjoy those naps, uninterrupted night sleeps, sleeping-in in the morning, etc, because it may never be the same when you get married.
8) Your Money is Yours and Yours Only
When you are single, your money is yours. You can do what you want with it. You have no one monitoring what you buy and you don’t have to worry that your Spouse will see all the packages you ordered from Amazon.
If you want to buy that $500 bag, you can. If you want to book a trip you, you can. If you want to buy a house, you can, if you want to open a business, you can, etc. Your funds are yours to do as you please. But a married person doesn’t have that freedom. They can’t spend $500 on a bag when Timmy needs braces, or little Suzy needs new ballet shoes, etc. They both work hard for their money but can’t use it with the freedom they would have if they were single. Married folks must consult their Spouses before making any expenditures.
Last month I found some really good travel deals to Thailand and I posted on our family group chat. My sister in law was really interested and said she wants to go but she had to talk to her husband, my brother first. My brother responded on the chat a few minutes later saying they are in money saving mode (they wanted to pay off their debt) so there will be no trips in the near future for them. They’re not going but I still plan on going. As a single person, I don’t have the added responsibilities that comes with being married with kids, so I am a little bit more free to spend my money as I would like. Enjoy this blessing. Buy all the fancy, unnecessary stuff you want to buy now, because you won’t have that luxury when you are married.
9) You Only Have To Deal With Your Baggage
When you are in a relationship, you not only have to deal with your baggage (your issues), but you also have to deal with your significant other’s baggage. You have to deal with their commitment issues, abandonment issues, fear of rejection, fear of failing, fear of being alone, daddy issues, mommy issues, addictions, etc. That is a lot of work.
People get paid to do that kind of stuff. They call them Therapists. And you are doing it for free. And on top of that, you have your own issues to deal with. It can be so overwhelming for a person to deal with. We all go through stuff, but it’s harder when you have someone else's added on top of it.
Being single means that you only have to worry about your issues, and you can work on them at your own pace.
10) You Only Cook When You Want
This one is so underrated but such a blessing. At this season in your life, if you live alone, you only have one mouth to feed; You. So you choose when you want to cook. If you come back from work and don’t feel like cooking, a quick sandwich will do. Or perhaps Ramen Noodles. Ramen Noodles is good too.
It's whatever you are in the mood for or what YOU FEEL like doing at that moment. But when you are married, you have to think about your spouse and your kids. So even if you are tired, your kids still have to eat and you have to make a whole meal. Some days, you just feel like making Minute Rice and call it a night, but your husband is craving his mom’s famous Duck Confit or some other meal that takes forever to make. I know after you’ve been in that kitchen for 4hrs, you will reminisce on those wonderful single days, and just think about how many episodes of FRIENDS you could have binge watched uninterrupted while munching on your PB&J in that 4hr time span.
11) No Asking For Permission
I spoke about this a little bit at the top. When you are single and you live alone, you don’t need anyone’s permission to do anything or better yet, you don't need to inform anyone before you do something. You come and go as you please. You do what you want, spend what you want, eat what you like, drink what you like, act a mess if you want, etc. It’s all up to your discretion what you choose to do and how you choose to do it. You don’t have to call up someone and see if it’s okay for you to do anything. This blogger that I follow once said that one day she was out and she felt like buying food so she ordered some food and took it home and was eating it alone because she assumed her husband didn't want it. She said her husband got mad at her because she didn’t call and ask him if he wanted anything. Maybe that’s the kind of stuff married people have to deal with but single people don’t have to deal with that.
If you gotta order for two, it's for You, Yourself, and You again. It's for present-you and tomorrow-you. Unless midnight-snack-you wakes up and eats it.
Oh, and you don’t have to share your food with anyone.
These are just a few of the many perks of being single. There is a time for everything. A time to be single, and a time to be married. Both are beautiful. Make sure you enjoy both seasons. Enjoy being single. Enjoy just being you. Enjoy your company.
Be free. Live your life. Travel. Start a business, start a Blog (YAY ME), invest your money, do what you love, do what excites you, be adventurous, enjoy your hobbies, add meaning to your life, etc. This is one of the best times of your life.
The amount of time that God has blessed you with now, you may not have that time again.
Live it up. You’re single. And It Is Great.