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"The List"

Updated: May 20, 2019

Today i had a conversation about "the list" and i wanted to share a few things. I'm not talking about the To-Do-List, not the list of things i wish i had or could have, but the list of things we want in a significant other. The list of things your ideal man/woman must possess or how they absolutely must look like.

It's so funny because many people have a list a mile long and refuse/reject anyone who does not fit that list, and pass up on potentially life changing relationships because they have tunnel vision for that "ideal" person. But here's the thing;

1) Mr. Ideal Man/Mrs. Ideal Woman Does NOT Exist.

Yes, sorry to burst your bubble, but the person you are looking for does NOT exist. There is no such thing as an ideal man/woman simply because no one person in the world has all those qualities you dreamed up. It is possible that someone may have a lot of the qualities you are looking for but not every single thing on the list.

My Advice: If you meet someone you like but they don't 100% fit the list, still give them a chance. You can always work with them to bring out those qualities you desire. You are not changing them into your image, you are simply taking the potential you see in them and bringing it out. I was talking to my mom this morning and she told me that when she met my dad, he was not the best dresser in the world and does not like to spend money on clothes. She said if it was up to my dad, he would only have 3 pairs of Suits simply because he likes to save money. But she said that a man that dresses well was something that was important to her so she helped him in that area. She says a lot of people see how sharp my dad looks and compliments him on it all the time but they don't realize that it is all her handwork.

So my point is that, the right person may not have everything you are looking for. It is your job to bring out those good things that may be lacking in them, and help them develop those good traits and habits.

2) You Have To Measure Up To That List

The same standard you use to judge others, is the same that will be used to judge you. Many people have a list a mile long of what they want, but let me ask the question? Do you measure up to that list? If you want someone charming, then are YOU charming yourself? If you want someone rich, are YOU rich? If you want someone fit and healthy, are YOU fit and healthy? If you want someone that knows how to cook, do YOU know how to cook? If you want someone that is kind, are YOU kind?, etc. You cannot hold someone to a standard that you yourself can't even attain. That is unfair and unrealistic. You have TO BE first, before expecting others to be as well.

My Advice: Work on yourself and work on becoming a better version of yourself. Take that list and start working to be that list. And if there is something on that list that seems unattainable for you, throw it away because it most likely will be unattainable for that person as well.

You may still be blessed to be with a person that has the wonderful qualities you sought for but don't necessarily have. That doesn't mean you stop working on yourself. You are what you attract. Good attracts good.

3) Do Not Despise Humble Beginnings

Many times people meet individuals in perhaps the "struggle phase" of their life. It may be an emotional struggle, mental struggle, physical struggle, financial struggle, etc. And a lot of times, people take a look at that person and take that incomplete piece of the puzzle, make a judgment about that person, and write them off. But what we fail to realize is that what someone is today, is not what they are going to be tomorrow. Life doesn't always go as planned and life can be cruel, but tomorrow is filled with many pleasant surprises. There are many people out there that are good and have bright futures but life has dealt them a difficult hand and they are fighting through it and you cannot judge who they are based on that.

My Advice: Learn to see people through the eyes of love, not judgment. You will miss some of the best people you will ever meet because you misjudged them based on their current situation. Just because you are doing well and life is currently kind to you does not mean that you get to look down on the ones who are still struggling. I love this French quote we used to say all the time growing up in Africa, "chacun a son tour chez le coiffeur " translated (Everyone has their turn at the Barber's). It basically means we all have our turn to go through stuff. You may be looking down on someone now but tomorrow it may be you. How would you like someone to reject you or look down on you because you are struggling temporarily? A lot of people rejected individuals that ended up becoming some of our greatest minds of today.

Walt Disney, Creator of Disney, was fired from his job because his employers said he "lacked imagination."

Walt Disney sketching the Iconic Mickey Mouse.

Oprah Winfrey, one of the greatest TV Show Host, and founder of the OWN Network, was fired at age 30 from her job because she wasn't "fit for TV"

Oprah interviewing President Obama and First Lady Michelle Obama

Steve Jobs (Co-founder of Apple), was removed from another company he had created before Apple.

Steve Jobs holding the first Iphone

Albert Einstein, a great Physicist, was expelled from his school and his teachers described him as "mentally-slow"

Albert Einstein scribbling some formulas on a Blackboard

Michael Jordan, one of the greatest "Ballers" of all time, was cut from his high school Basketball team because he "lacked skill."

Bill Gates, Founder of Microsoft, was a college dropout.

Also, Jack Ma, founder of Alibaba, only had $500 left to his name, four years later, he had made about 9 million. Today he is one of the richest men in the world worth over $38 Billion. Can you imagine the people who walked away from him when he only had $500? Imagine their dismay a few years later when he became a millionaire, and now a Billionaire.

Never despise someone because of where they currently are in life. You never know tomorrow.

So here's my conclusion: Throw away the list. Work on becoming a better you. Keep an open mind, and see how life pleasantly surprises you. There's more than meets the eye. Don't block yourself and miss a once in a life time opportunity to be with an amazing individual. Love is beautiful yet rare. When you find it, don't lose it because of silly excuses and reasons. Take a chance.


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